What she represented
by Germany11
Summary: Negan's thoughts about his beloved baseball bat Lucille after she broke in issue #159. Set in issue #161 *One-Shot


_**Lucille is a bitch, but she's my bitch.**_

Negan held the broken wood of his beloved girl. The one who saved his life more times than he could count. How could this have happened? She never would of failed doing what she loved before. This wasn't right. Nothing was right with this shitty world anymore. Not his girl. This.. this couldn't of happened. It had to be a dream? But those were thoughts of the naive.

 _ **I take no joy in those deeds. Lucille on the other hand... Thankfully she's not in charge.**_

Now she wouldn't be in charge. Not really even have a chance to be. Now she wouldn't be bashing fucking heads in. It wasn't right. She was awesome. How could? How could this be? This wasn't right. She should have been able to bash that fucker to death like she did with so many others. Beta should be dead and Lucille should be his dirty girl. His chest felt tight and he barely registered the tears that were staining his checks. He felt numb and empty. The usual excitement was gone. His world was as shattered as she was. How could he even move forward now. Without.. without her..

 _ **She's the only bitch I've ever truly loved.**_

Sure he once had his wives but Lucille, that's where his heart truly lived. She was perfect. Always so perfect. Nothing in this world they lived in compared to her. He could be fucking one of his many wives and his mind would drift off to his beloved baseball bat. His dick often got hard anytime he thought of her. She was the bitch that mattered most. He still remembered the first time he saw her, she wasn't his girl then but he felt the pull the moment he saw her. Like fate was calling her to him. That he could treat her the way she should be treated. That maybe he could be better than he was with... Nice bat. He had commented. Nice Bat.. that was so long ago now. Her original owner couldn't grasp how much he would come to care for her when she finally became his. He loved her, treated her well and even had the badass kid sing to her. Now.. now..

 _ **She's dead.**_

That is what broke him, when was the last time he felt this broken? He hadn't been able to feel things for so long now. Not really. He stayed alive but he wasn't complete since his wife had been taken from him. He even told Alpha that. No, there was one time, when he lost. When she died.

 _ **I'm not perfect, hell I'm a fucking piece of dog shit. You deserve so much better.**_

She really did. His wife really did deserve so much better than the fucking idiot he was back then. If he had done things differently, maybe just maybe she could have survived. Maybe she would have survived the cancer. It tore him apart every day. His health ninja that he so desperately wished she could have been. Still he carried a part of her with him. Her memory. Always locked away in his heart. Always.

 _ **Are you taking good care of her?**_

He had wanted her back from Dwight so badly. Dwight couldn't understand, she was his girl. The most important thing in his life and he wasn't even able to hold her. Have her back. Where she belonged with him. He always treated her right, like the lady she was.

 _ **Did you treat her like a lady?**_

He knew deep down anyone disrespecting his girl would immediately regret it. She was special after all. When she had been damaged in the past he went blinded with anger. Although he let others hold her, he knew he would never abandon her. Never let her go to far from his sight. Not his girl. He'd never leave his girl.

 _ **I'm just fucking with you! A baseball bat doesn't have a pussy!**_

God when he forgot about her, he couldn't believe it. He never did that. Not ever. Sure Carl had distracted him, killing a few of his men. But leaving his girl behind. That wasn't like him and he swore to himself then that he wouldn't do it again. Not his girl. Sadly he couldn't keep that promise to her.

 _ **Welcome home baby.**_

He had been thrilled when Lucille was back where she belonged. Lucille was a part of him. Like his dick, hard and ready for action. Everything was right in the world. He didn't care about the cut on his forehead. Now when she was finally with him again. Not when all that he wanted was back. His girl. His dirty girl. She fueled him. Protected him. Gave him strength when he needed it most.

 _ **Let's play rock, paper, knives, bats.**_

Everything was going right, Lucille and him were having a grand time. Beta was going to see just how fucking awesome his girl was. How much fun she could truly have and he was happy to oblige her. Anything for her. She was doing what she loved. He was making her happy again. And then it happened.

 _ **What.. what just... how... nooo.**_

Beta broke her. His favorite girl head bashing days were over and he broke. She was gone, broken and useless. A part of him died the moment she broke apart in his hands. Beta got away but he would fucking pay.

"You disgust me." He heard Dwight speak. Negan wasn't really paying attention to what was happening around him. How could he as all he could do was look at his girl. His broken girl.

"News at fucking eleven. Ask me if I give a fuck." His voice although came out in his usual sarcastic tone even sounded broken to his own ears. He really didn't fucking want to deal with that dick right now. Not now. Not ever. He was grieving over his girl.

"A woman is losing her hand not twenty feet away from you and you. You're still crying over a piece of wood." Dwight's tone held all the resentment he was used to hearing from him over the past two years.

It took a moment for Negan to truly realize he had been crying. Sure he had noticed his vision blurring but all he could see was his Lucille, broken and dead. Her once glorious self-reduced to this. Turning his attention to Dwight, he wiped at the tears in his dark eyes. Did he care if Dwight saw him cry, not right fucking now he didn't.

"You'll never understand what she represented to me." An image of his wife flashed in his eyes as his voice cracked for a moment. A weakness he'd never really showed anyone in so very long. He didn't kill Lucille when she turned, he couldn't he was just so drained, but that boy he saved did it for him when he asked. He couldn't leave her like that. Not his beautiful wife. The woman he loved, the woman he should have treated so much fucking better. The woman who he named his beloved girl after. Swallowing, he continued. "Why she meant so much." She truly did mean everything to him. The barbered wire that he carefully wrapped around her. The feel of her in his hand when he swung her. The sounds of skulls caving in when she'd kiss their flesh. His favorite girl. The bitch he had loved. Even if she wasn't so nice. The nights he fantasized about her as he'd rub his dick against her. She was perfect. She was his.

"I'll never care enough to hear you explain it." Dwight scoffed in aggravation and Negan just looked back at his girl as he listened to him start to walk away in disgust. "You're a fucking lunatic." He heard the words even though they were mumbled slightly.

Negan didn't give a fuck what Dwight thought of him. No. Fuck him. Maybe he was a lunatic he didn't fucking care if that was the case. Lucille was destroyed. That's what mattered but it wasn't the only thing.

 _ **You bunch of pussies, I'm just getting started.**_

Yes. He was. This wasn't over. Not as long as those dead skin wearing weirdos were still alive. He killed Alpha for how she allowed the most disgusting evil things happen in her group. Beta though. Beta would die by him. That he swore. He broke his girl. Destroyed what she represented. That was intolerable. That was disrespectful. That. That. That hurt him. Hurt him more than anything could after all this mess started. Beta would pay. He wouldn't take enjoyment out of it but now it was time for Lucille to have what she wanted. What was denied to her. Yes.

 _ **Lucille is thirsty. She's a vampire Bat.**_

Lucille could never be thirsty again.

Now, Negan was _thirsty_.


End file.
